Thursday, May 17, 2007

Sobbing in Public

…and other common occurrences.

How do I begin to write the hardest piece of non-fiction I have ever attempted?

I discovered yesterday that there are two times when a parent carries a child with slow steps and infinite care. When the journey is longer in spirit than in geography, and the weight of the burden held far exceeds any reckoning of mass or measure.

Those two occasions are the first time a newborn is transported from maternity ward to car, and the second is when a parent carries the urn that contains their young child’s ashes from the mortuary to the vehicle that will carry them home – and I pray to God that no other parent reading this ever has to bear that unbearable burden.

I truly apologise to anyone reading this who was not already aware that this week we lost our oldest son, Samuel, in a tragic accident. I have held off on writing here until as many people as possible had been told. For Mike and I the number of people who had already heard when we contacted them has been oddly encouraging. For us it has means that there are many people who care for us, and who will miss Sam at least a fraction of how much we do and will.

I cannot begin to describe now the horror and pain that we have begun to experience this week. I cannot now begin to count the many beautiful consolations that have tempered our grief - those tiny joys that touch at the edges of our sorrow.

Even as we feel this pain together we rejoice in the person that Sam was and is, and we rejoice in the decision he made just weeks ago to fully embrace his relationship as a child of God. Our Father has gathered him into His heart.

Samuel Thomas William Rayson. Your days on earth can be counted between March 28, 1996 and May 14, 2007. But your spirit dances into eternity.

We love you Sam.


Lori J. said...

Amy, I continue to weep with you and your family. I am holding you in prayer, dear friend. Call if you need to, or want to. I will see you soon. Lori

J said...

Amy, continuing to hold you & the family in prayer.

quiltmomof2 on SL


Anonymous said...

We pray for you and your family in this time of great need.

Lord, please hold our sister and our brother in your hands. Their path is long and your help is needed.

Mommytobees @ SL

The Bass Player's Wife said...

Amy, I cannot even begin to grasp your pain; I can only lift you and your family up in prayer.
There are two hearts in Las Vegas breaking for you all.

Andrea said...

Amy and Family....Words cannot do your pain justice....

Know you are being covered in prayers...

(formyboys @ SL)

Anonymous said...

Amy, I continue to lift your family up to the Father. I am crying with and for you!

Debbles with a latte (SL forums)

John's Blog said...

Amy, I have been a SL lurker for a while, and though my subscription recently expired, I heard of your news on the Homeschool Library. I sobbed.

I wanted to tell you that I had my church pray for your family last night, and that you will be in my prayers in the months and weeks ahead... I'm so, so very sorry for your loss...

Shelly, aka CrabbyMama on SL

Amy, Konagirl on SL said...

The prayers for your family will continue from Hawaii.

Anonymous said...


prncsstefy @SL said...

I am so broken hearted to hear of your loss. I am praying that our Father holds you and your family close as you begin this next chapter in your life.

Anonymous said...

Praying for Jesus to continue to hold you up.

joyofthelord, SL

Kelley Burke said...

Amy, we are weeping with you and your family and will continue to hold all of you up in prayer

In Him,

Jess said...


Only the Lord can touch a heart in such a time of grief. I pray that He'll console you when nothing else can.

I've just been praying and praying for you ever since I heard on the SL forums, and our family has been praying for you in our family times as well.


Reba said...

Praying for and with you.
Reba from SL

Kathy in Melbourne said...

Amy, I cannot begin to imagine what you and your family are going through right now. I am so sorry for your loss and am praying for you.

Kathy in Melbourne, Australia

ThoughtfulMom said...


I can imagine the enormity of your emotions because I have walked where you are walking. There is a would-be seven-year old missing from our table every night and every morning.

Crying in public is quite normal - and it will be for a while. Grief is an odd monster, creeping up at the strangest moments, rarely showing his face when tears are convenient.

May God strengthen you as you continue to say "Blessed bet he name of the Lord."

Prayers from Oklahoma,

WunderFamily said...

Amy, my family will keep yours in prayer. I am so very sorry. There are no words adequate...

With much love and tears,
Becca from SL

Anonymous said...

{{{{{Amy}}}}} I just got the news on The Homeschool Library. I'm so sorry! I can't imagine! *tears*

I pray God surrounds you and overwhelms you with His peace and comfort. I have a son who's just a few months younger than Sam. Although he's my most challenging child (by far), I can't begin to imagine what it would do to me if something were to happen to him.

My family and I will be keeping you in our prayers.

aka Trinity Oaks

Julie said...

You have no idea who I am. I'm a British Christian and I read about your family on the Sonlight forums. I had wanted to tell you that my husband and I have been praying a lot for you and your family during this time and have been deeply moved by the godly way you have responded to the loss of your son. May the Lord continue to walk very close to your family.

God bless,


lightening said...

Hi Amy,
Wish there were words to convey how I feel - anything that could be said that might help. I always think of Sam as our "wedding baby" given his arrival kept you and Michael from singing at our wedding (and what better reason). It all seems so unreal and so unfair. Just want you to know that so many of us here on EP are thinking of you guys, praying for you and caring about what you're going through (even if we can't fully understand).

Get in touch if you need a friend while you're back this way.


Steve and Jodi H

Paula said...

Hi Amy.

I'm so sorry to hear about Sam. Mum called and asked me if I knew anything as they had mentioned you and Mike at the Pentecost Sunday service in the Lincoln Uniting Church.
I know you're going to be in Sydney soon; if you want company, please contact me via my blog ( I'd love to see you, Mike and the kids while you're in town.
My heart and prayers are with you all.


Krista said...

I remember and pray for you often. Hard to imagine that this is still even real. Harder still to imagine the pain you all must still feel. The longing. Hugging my own ds17 a little tighter in memory of Sam.